Post Ponderosa

20 min write framework framing the work

a need for discourse of closure, for debriefment

debrief, a word picked up at NYU, who was I before that?

Perhaps I was and was not placed in the right bubble with the right platforms to cook and plate the thoughts and feelings.

here I am. again. this time. new time, a new now. I can look back.

I survived yesterday and the past.

I can rebuild the now, pieces of the past are there

if the body doesn't forget then it's all there and the only thing I can do is give the now a platform to excavate the then and place it deliciously into the present.

moments that tickle, that is the juice for me. moments that tickle.

it takes different modes of rehearsal, development, presentation and performance

an academic mindset sterilizes my insides.

turn it off for a while and catch the colors of the breath, like a butterfly, take a picture, capture it in time, then let it fly away where it can continue to do the same elsewhere.

20 min time to unravel the 3 weeks spent being unraveled

those who don't do this and the like, are they better off?

the highs are high and the lows get low. the range of the spectrum expands and contracts based on experiences shared and cultivated and exposed and atrophied.

where was i and where am i? a wounded one, came into the threshold . . . but all of it is encapsulated in the experience, a 3 week open score, one without clear delineation of roles and boundaries.

STEP RIGHT UP!  but be careful what you may find in the house of broken mirrors, you might recognize a piece that was hidden from you, 

how lucky that you get to find it, if you can handle it.

dig deep to follow the truth but realize that it floats up to the surface if you sit long enough.

hidden traces of vulnerability 

what is it all about.

"have i left you with all of the questions" allow the questions

allow the NO and YES

shoot MAYBE through the heart till it breaks up into a thousand little yes's and no's, ready to conquer the world,

and be proud of the I don't knows because there is more learning to be done more purpose to be had.

Performance. Give a framework, test the waters, and do the research.

I find myself . . . blah blah blah.

Excavate the possibilities. 

a moment to answer some questions and weave new ones.

an opportunity to research without an IRB, 

these are my findings, thank you for coming.

a workout gym for the mind and the nervous system, 

they were right: this is how it feels.

In an open score is where you find it all is where all is uncovered the choice made and unmade a terrain of possibilities all of it is part of it  . . . 

not everyone is a writer, but everyone "can" write.

cough cough step outside the door of the mind rusting leaves in the distance a beat of some sort trailing not the right ear, wait, speak into my good ear shuffling of feet nearby and the clink clink. door closed a part is shut out a piece of silence while other parts get louder. an open score of sound in space.

sometimes clappter is so loud its overwhelming just clapping sometimes no clapping is my response, the whole body feels it inside that I feel that it is our enough. ENOUGH! Polite clapping, integrity lost or found or not or so uphold and support 

but what is the truth?

_________________________________________________________________________________

so what did I learn?

I need to spend time in nature. Until this happens I forget the importance, you don't know until you go.

Interested currently in performance- different types of, different avenues of, purposes to

real versus artifice

vulnerable versus compensated

Performing of the self versus performing artifice

The importance of craft, while also c

Considered intentions- thinking about all of the choices involved 

ACTIVATE! do do do

Charge! ex Charging the space with something even though it does not appear in the final product, it still has influenced the piece. Working with something super literal and then throwing it away, leaving it's tracing without spoon-feeding the audience and yourself.

On the other hand- "don't be afraid of the obvious"

A big thing learned experienced: wrecking the life, wrecking the preconceived notions of anything: of how to use space, of how space is used, of how roles are used, even the way dinner is served do do do  turn everything upside down inside out not get used of the way things are- in this open way there is an opportunity to do whatever you want and see what happens, it takes a lot of energy

Choice requires brain energy. Being with people requires a lot of brain energy- have to calibrate to the tiny increments of interactions 

New practices to stretch possibilities and shifts modes of being:

durational shaking

contemplative practice

walking backwards

enough score

play healing (formerly known as fake healing)

archiving the cells

durational gibberish
open mouth and tongue out - -  no thoughts can enter . . . this is a new research, it feels like natural anti-anxiety 

Post Ponderosa

20 min write framework framing the work

a need for discourse of closure, for debriefment

debrief, a word picked up at NYU, who was I before that?

Perhaps I was and was not placed in the right bubble with the right platforms to cook and plate the thoughts and feelings.

here I am. again. this time. new time, a new now. I can look back.

I survived yesterday and the past.

I can rebuild the now, pieces of the past are there

if the body doesn't forget then it's all there and the only thing I can do is give the now a platform to excavate the then and place it deliciously into the present.

moments that tickle, that is the juice for me. moments that tickle.

it takes different modes of rehearsal, development, presentation and performance

an academic mindset sterilizes my insides.

turn it off for a while and catch the colors of the breath, like a butterfly, take a picture, capture it in time, then let it fly away where it can continue to do the same elsewhere.

20 min time to unravel the 3 weeks spent being unraveled

those who don't do this and the like, are they better off?

the highs are high and the lows get low. the range of the spectrum expands and contracts based on experiences shared and cultivated and exposed and atrophied.

where was i and where am i? a wounded one, came into the threshold . . . but all of it is encapsulated in the experience, a 3 week open score, one without clear delineation of roles and boundaries.

STEP RIGHT UP!  but be careful what you may find in the house of broken mirrors, you might recognize a piece that was hidden from you, 

how lucky that you get to find it, if you can handle it.

dig deep to follow the truth but realize that it floats up to the surface if you sit long enough.

hidden traces of vulnerability 

what is it all about.

"have i left you with all of the questions" allow the questions

allow the NO and YES

shoot Maybe through the heart till it breaks up into a thousand little yes's and no's, ready to conquer the world,

and be proud of the I don't knows because there is more learning to be done more purpose to be had.

Performance. Give a framework, test the waters, and do the research.

I find myself . . . blah blah blah.

Excavate the possibilities. 

a moment to answer some questions and weave new ones.

an opportunity to research without an IRB, 

these are my findings, thank you for coming.

a workout gym for the mind and the nervous system, 

they were right: this is how it feels.

In an open score is where you find it all is where all is uncovered the choice made and unmade a terrain of possibilities all of it is part of it  . . . 

not everyone is a writer, but everyone "can" write.

cough cough step outside the door of the mind rusting leaves in the distance a beat of some sort trailing not the right ear, wait, speak into my good ear shuffling of feet nearby and the clink clink. door closed a part is shut out a piece of silence while other parts get louder. an open score of sound in space.

sometimes clappter is so loud its overwhelming just clapping sometimes no clapping is my response, the whole body feels it inside that I feel that it is our enough. ENOUGH! Polite clapping, integrity lost or found or not or so uphold and support 

but what is the truth?

_________________________________________________________________________________

so what did I learn?

I need to spend time in nature. Until this happens I forget the importance, you don't know until you go.

Interested currently in performance- different types of, different avenues of, purposes to

real versus artifice

vulnerable versus compensated

Performing of the self versus performing artifice

The importance of craft, while also c

Considered intentions- thinking about all of the choices involved 

ACTIVATE! do do do

Charge! ex Charging the space with something even though it does not appear in the final product, it still has influenced the piece. Working with something super literal and then throwing it away, leaving it's tracing without spoon-feeding the audience and yourself.

On the other hand- "don't be afraid of the obvious"

A big thing learned experienced: wrecking the life, wrecking the preconceived notions of anything: of how to use space, of how space is used, of how roles are used, even the way dinner is served do do do  turn everything upside down inside out not get used of the way things are- in this open way there is an opportunity to do whatever you want and see what happens, it takes a lot of energy

Choice requires brain energy. Being with people requires a lot of brain energy- have to calibrate to the tiny increments of interactions 

New practices to stretch possibilities and shifts modes of being:

durational shaking

contemplative practice

walking backwards

enough score

play healing (formerly known as fake healing)

archiving the cells

durational gibberish
open mouth and tongue out - -  no thoughts can enter . . . this is a new research, it feels like natural anti-anxiety 

Pain

Pain as natural healer

Relationship to pain

Conversation 

Good morning

And how are all of our control freaks doing this morning?

Have you hugged your control freak today?

Travel 2015

In my excursions through Spain and Portugal with the (not so) little ones I realized that:

Emotions need a nap!

The idea of budgeting emotions/worry. This was a way to provide perspective for reactive thinking by saying: "let's budget our emotions, does this reaction warrant this big of a reaction?" It was a way to pause and reflect and reevaluate. Having a phrase or mantra to support this is helpful. When one thinks to "budget their emotions" it can soften whatever the reaction is and provide for a more centered/calm way to approach the situation. 

Edit: 

Another memory for softening reactive thinking: 

"Don't go down that rabbit hole.. Say goodbye to the rabbit"

"Bye rabbit"

The slighter insights-- the FB Collection Series

• 6.10. 13 It tickles me that you have to spend at least $20 to get that -natural- look . . .
• Facebook is a performance art venue
• 6.1.13...what if we taught preventative care of the mind body and soul starting from early childhood, as part of the curriculum, as contextualized in the curriculum, as THE curriculum?...\
•  6.1.13 linear is the new post-non-linear 
• 5.26.13 Grasping the ungraspable  
• 
  
• 5.9.13 A best friend is someone who enables and empowers you to be your best.
• 5.8.13 When you seek validation from others, you start to abuse the self

  -2.3.13 Dance Artists are Body poets
   

Harvesting the Dream 1/30/15

It has been some time now. It seems I have been in a cocoon, what happened? A shift happened.
In any case, that is neither here nor there...

I would like to write about some dreamy harvests from this weekend's dream group. I have not kept up with them, seems like I have been hibernating, or something of that sort . . .
In any case, again, that is neither here nor there, nevertheless, I'm gonna be honest, let me just say this once, and so on an so forth . . .

Some things that came up in dream group this time around:

Kathy mentioned the idea of boredom or tiredness, that we have to be aware when, during the discussion of a dream, we get tired or bored or start falling asleep. This is not irrelevant and does not happen for no reason. Boredom is not insignificant. Everything is significant, relevant. We have chosen to enter a space of the dream group, and therefore, anything that we do in the space has a relevance to it. When one's attention shifts away from what is going on, there is resistance somewhere. The mind, subconsciously,  is shifting away because it cannot process and does not want to go into that territory. Dream group, like contact improvisation, is a microcosm of what occurs in the broader world, with that being said, it allows one to make connections and to bring these cultivated nuggets of learning to gain more perspective and understanding into the world. I realize that I do this when I am not ready to process something that is said or being asked of me. It is a way to divert and to stall and avoid exposing myself to whatever is uncomfortable. I sometimes will pick up the conversation or give an answer weeks later.  I realize, it is not so much about cognitive processing time,  but an emotional processing time. One will go there when they are ready, that's it. This is important. My question is: why not go there right away? What are the barriers that get in the way to being connected and not to try to divert away?

 I also started to make connections to teaching,  my students "get distracted" and start to divert the class elsewhere, for example, by asking random questions. This is probably due to some sort of uncomfortableness that is taking place. They are vulnerable or feel exposed.

What I take from this is an awareness of: things happening when they are ready to happen. If you are not ready to hear something, you won't. If the muscle is not ready to soften, it won't, etc etc. I would like to set the intention of being aware when these moments happen with myself and with others. To be kind, curious and open to them. If I see it manifest for others, to not force but to hold space and meet people where they are at, since they will not go anywhere [emotionally] if they are not ready.

Something else that came up was the idea of being taken over by the "parent" archetype and the complexities of being a parent. Parents do and say things that are unlike themselves outside of being a parent. They seem to be run by, almost possessed, by the parent archetype. And as Kathy pointed out, one cannot fight an archetype. The Parent archetype is: judgmental, controlling. The role of the mother: black & white mode of seeing the world. It is something that is internalized. Instead of being present in the exploration, there is an anxiety that comes into the mix. It is a tide that takes over and one must have awareness so that it doesn't take over. For me, I feel the act of being a parent is the most direct choice one can undertake. I think life is malleable and one can be mindful about everything and work around things, but to make a choice of parenthood is a black and white choice, the way I see it, no wonder that it lends itself to the modes of being mentioned above.


Some other access codes:
-tapping into masculine energy
-awareness- and awareness of not being aware
-awareness: slowing down, patient 
-when is it clear to leave something and when is it not
-We also talked this time about the feel of the dream versus just describing it, less analytical, more experiential. Experience the dream versus reading it. This time the dreamer read the dream and then explained it again without looking at the notes. I could see how this would provide two different experiences of exposing the dream.

-dreams tell you what you already know-