a need for discourse of closure, for debriefment
debrief, a word picked up at NYU, who was I before that?
Perhaps I was and was not placed in the right bubble with the right platforms to cook and plate the thoughts and feelings.
here I am. again. this time. new time, a new now. I can look back.
I survived yesterday and the past.
I can rebuild the now, pieces of the past are there
if the body doesn't forget then it's all there and the only thing I can do is give the now a platform to excavate the then and place it deliciously into the present.
moments that tickle, that is the juice for me. moments that tickle.
it takes different modes of rehearsal, development, presentation and performance
an academic mindset sterilizes my insides.
turn it off for a while and catch the colors of the breath, like a butterfly, take a picture, capture it in time, then let it fly away where it can continue to do the same elsewhere.
20 min time to unravel the 3 weeks spent being unraveled
those who don't do this and the like, are they better off?
the highs are high and the lows get low. the range of the spectrum expands and contracts based on experiences shared and cultivated and exposed and atrophied.
where was i and where am i? a wounded one, came into the threshold . . . but all of it is encapsulated in the experience, a 3 week open score, one without clear delineation of roles and boundaries.
STEP RIGHT UP! but be careful what you may find in the house of broken mirrors, you might recognize a piece that was hidden from you,
how lucky that you get to find it, if you can handle it.
dig deep to follow the truth but realize that it floats up to the surface if you sit long enough.
hidden traces of vulnerability
what is it all about.
"have i left you with all of the questions" allow the questions
allow the NO and YES
shoot MAYBE through the heart till it breaks up into a thousand little yes's and no's, ready to conquer the world,
and be proud of the I don't knows because there is more learning to be done more purpose to be had.
Performance. Give a framework, test the waters, and do the research.
I find myself . . . blah blah blah.
Excavate the possibilities.
a moment to answer some questions and weave new ones.
an opportunity to research without an IRB,
these are my findings, thank you for coming.
a workout gym for the mind and the nervous system,
they were right: this is how it feels.
In an open score is where you find it all is where all is uncovered the choice made and unmade a terrain of possibilities all of it is part of it . . .
not everyone is a writer, but everyone "can" write.
cough cough step outside the door of the mind rusting leaves in the distance a beat of some sort trailing not the right ear, wait, speak into my good ear shuffling of feet nearby and the clink clink. door closed a part is shut out a piece of silence while other parts get louder. an open score of sound in space.
sometimes clappter is so loud its overwhelming just clapping sometimes no clapping is my response, the whole body feels it inside that I feel that it is our enough. ENOUGH! Polite clapping, integrity lost or found or not or so uphold and support
but what is the truth?
_________________________________________________________________________________
so what did I learn?
I need to spend time in nature. Until this happens I forget the importance, you don't know until you go.
Interested currently in performance- different types of, different avenues of, purposes to
real versus artifice
vulnerable versus compensated
Performing of the self versus performing artifice
The importance of craft, while also c
Considered intentions- thinking about all of the choices involved
ACTIVATE! do do do
Charge! ex Charging the space with something even though it does not appear in the final product, it still has influenced the piece. Working with something super literal and then throwing it away, leaving it's tracing without spoon-feeding the audience and yourself.
On the other hand- "don't be afraid of the obvious"
A big thing learned experienced: wrecking the life, wrecking the preconceived notions of anything: of how to use space, of how space is used, of how roles are used, even the way dinner is served do do do turn everything upside down inside out not get used of the way things are- in this open way there is an opportunity to do whatever you want and see what happens, it takes a lot of energy
Choice requires brain energy. Being with people requires a lot of brain energy- have to calibrate to the tiny increments of interactions
New practices to stretch possibilities and shifts modes of being:
durational shaking
contemplative practice
walking backwards
enough score
play healing (formerly known as fake healing)
archiving the cells
durational gibberish
open mouth and tongue out - - no thoughts can enter . . . this is a new research, it feels like natural anti-anxiety
open mouth and tongue out - - no thoughts can enter . . . this is a new research, it feels like natural anti-anxiety
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