range of spectrum

range of the spectrum
parts of the pieces
slice of the whole pie
micro and macro
be open to all of the possibilities
the part of you that is . . .

seeing 24  hour-ness in people- when live together in an enclosed space, rarely get to see people like that, do not even see friends like that.

access codes

Leading to Epiphany
"the work"
balance- everyone's idea of balance is relative-- concentric circles, affinities
opposites
listening
listening to bugs- they are sharing secrets
breathing
bringing hands to heart center
softening
letting go of fascia
writing
outlets
yoga, movement, doodles
range of spectrum
parts of selves
concentric circles of selves
listening to what some is saying to you is a reflection of themselves/own investigations
 be open to all of the possibilities

3/22/15
-what are you letting live in the world?
-you are responsible for the whole world.
-kindness

10/3/2016
closing eyes

another score

a year score: not to take anything personally!

Harvesting the Dream

it has been a while since i have written about dream group. whenever i mention the dream group, people are very intrigued, i take it for granted because i am lucky enough to go, but when i hear the reactions of others, it reminds me how lucky we are to be a part of it. i realize that there are so many slight insights that are cultivated, and that inspired me to harvest and share the sustenance. below are things that are shared outloud by dreamers or 'if-it-were-my-dream'--ers, kathy, or thoughts that come up to me as i day dream about the dreams.

• ~everything in your dream is an inner experience, all the people/situations/emotions/etc in your dream are aspects of you
• what showed up in the dream is a gift
• when you do not know something, we go directly to: "I can't" versus "I don't know how yet"
• -> mindfulness
• it is time to express yourself
• drop the  idea that you need to make a masterpiece, you already are, cannot be improved, just come to it
• leave it to the universe to put it together not from forcing (swim and dance in the unknown)
• I put all my genius into my life; I put only my talent into my works.  Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) 
• 'embrace differences', differences are not better or worse. Differences are seen as in conflict - but not . . .
• BOOK: "The Goddesss is in Every Woman"

*one of the most impact-ful (coolest) things that we did was we were made witness to one of the dreamers taking on the roles that were in her dreams and talking as if she were them. it was amazing. kathy guided the dreamer to answer questions as if she were the different people that came up in the dream. it reminds me of letters from "sadness" and "my piece". since whatever is coming up for us, be it emotions, artistic endeavors or dreams, are just a part of us, then being conscious and allowing that essence to have a voice opens a lot of possibilities and perspectives for us. this is truly a gift. it is empowering empathy. to take it further, it would be interesting to take on other people in the same way in waking life. in that way, one might understand the motivation behind their actions.

On making a piece

 I was commissioned by my students to make a piece. the only reason i would say no is due to fear, which was not a good enough excuse. so i followed my fear and decided to see what would happen if i. below are the cultivated insights:


What I was interested in, the initial tether as impetus for creative process:
Interested in bringing my interests/questions into the process- theory into practice

Resolving people's fear- following your fear-- as a dancer, performer, and/or human...using the stage as a venue for resolving fear.

My fears, playing with mine as the process in the process and mixing w the company's

Standing on edge of now and seeking what comes next, scary but that becomes the medium

Collaboration, open space to suggest- accept and deny 

We build it together from the language that is set up ) company class and score

Theory into practice--so many classes taken in improv and composition, but I have never really utilized them in a compositional context- myself being the artist. i have used the tasks in class for teaching purposes, but never for creating purposes. I wanted to put trust in the process and see where it would take me.

Edge of now- using Doug verone's methods and trying not to judge, interested in using the new methods to see how to do that and what that looks like

Using Paul's partnering tools for superhuman people dancing- trust circle 2.0

Doing things that tickle me

what we/I did:

Free write curiosity and fear- 3 minutes on each subject

Sharing the writings

You not you dances- improvised and choreographed
superYou dances- what does your super You look life

What I learned:

Habits patterns, my patterns
there is a point in the process where i want to abandon ship, the censor/saboteur takes over and just wants to quit... this time i realized that this is a familiar feeling, albeit not very pleasant, but i was able to be aware that it was present, but not take it too seriously. It is a very strong feeling, but it's just a feeling.

Yet again: that we are all just waiting for permission. the dancers will go there with you if you set up the space. they were asking: "Now what?" "what do we do next" (this eventually was an impetus for parts of the text)

R talking to W  about it being part of the dance  (see notes from journal)

Everyone is standing at the edge of now, all together, all connected. No one knows what is going to happen next, that is what makes us so connected. no matter what we do or who we are we are all connected by the fact that we do not know what is coming next. and although we have set up things in the present for the future, we really do not have an idea of what will happen-- we cannot foresee unforeseeable circumstances and we also cannot foresee how others are going to react to what we set up. In this case it teaches to be open to possibilities, and it makes sense why people attempt to control everything-- because we have no control. This was a practice of letting go and seeing what happens next. To trust. To trust the process to trust the dancers/artists/collaborators and myself.

(in rereading this 7 months later 2/2/15, I am reminded that is a constant life practice, a meditation)

a letter from my piece (a piece of me)

Dear Rada,
this is your piece stopping by to write you a note of thanks. Thank you for letting me live. I was hidden inside crevices of the white and gray matter dancing solitary waltzes with myself. I so desperately wanted to see the light and shine my own on the people around. There were giggles in my belly that I wanted to share and tickle the fancies of people sitting zombie-like comfortably numb in the safety of their audience thrones. Thank you for freeing me to make love to life and life to love. Remember this, go back to it, its always scary to stand "at the edge of now."  . . .

And Another thing

Love is a very important contact improvisation partner...

fragile hearts

fragile hearts
and perhaps in only makes sense when it hurts
 . . .
but pain is just here visiting.

FELDENKRAIS quote

"Let me say, however, that a healthy person is the one who can live his unavowed dreams fully. ". -Feldenkrais

On Creativity

"Unused creativity is not benign. It does not dissipate. It metastasizes" -Brené Brown
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This reminds me of the inverse: Jealousy is unused inspiration.
And also reminds me of: Curiosity is inversely proportionate to judgmental thought. . .

a letter from Sadness

Dear Rada,

this is your sadness writing you a love note. I am around you and hovering over you in a sad cloud above your head, behind your eyes and in the lining of your heart. Don't be worried. I'm only visiting for a short time. I'm here to remind you to see more and feel more - and come back to yourself. I'm here to give you perspective. and although you feel it in your core, this will pass and another feeling will come sweep you off your feet. We are all thinking about you. and care about you. Just be, just feel, be aware of it all and smile at it because it exists and you exist. and you get an opportunity this time around, the only time to create magic and magical things. Please be kind to me. Do not be angry.  I need love, yes I said it without pride, with armor down. disarmed. Take me on a date one day. I am coming from many directions to you. breathe for me and find the groundedness to hold me in the space, I am a powerful source, but so are you. I love you.

yours,

Sadness

My resolve, today

Today, I resolve not to be scared. It's a waste of my time. ...Daily practice...

(Thank you, Bjork and all of her counterparts)

"We Kept it STRICTLY SPIRITUAL"

my prayer book: Ellen Langer's Mindfulness and The Power of Mindful Learning

my Sunday morning mass: Contact Improvisation Jam

EARTHDANCE excavations

Open heart discover and cultivate

Sub culture of dancers and non dancers

Felt like a girl and scared

Earthdance 12/29

Stranger in a strange land, new experiences, new energies, novel, navigating newness

At first: judgy mnt... Self preservation, broad strokes turn to more subtle inspections, challenges your way of being when dorming w others,  

Leskidi island

Intentional community

Dance is a social currency

Holding space- what r u holding space for 

I love watching you dance

Women's circle 

You don't know unless you really do it, can't talk shit unless do it 

I came here to remember

Forget to remember

Leonard Cohen on reading a poem

Contact improv is really not fun if you have gas/constipation/bloating/need to go poop, it can be a score, but not really fun 

Even at these gatherings, we are playing a role, a role to be earthdancy, but it's all our hats, what are you not showing? If you seem like you are showing everything still, what are you not showing...

I want more

(Tears)

I feel that I don't hold space to love the way I want, give love the way I want 

You are beautiful tshirt 

I wonder if you are ever matched in the way that you dance/are

Barefoot boogie 

Tshirt:

Tell me how awesome i am?

You are beautiful

Taylor Mali poem 

Dance camp

Ian

More!

Gender, cruising

Metaphor explore the metaphor of contact to life, To relationships

Brian: your spirit does not match your wedge. You are alive and not where you are at

Levi: your dancing  like I wonder if you ever found your match and what that would look

Finding an energy that you like and going to it and sitting with it, play with it and go away from the one that you don't want at that time

No use of feeling neg of any kind, do the change if can or let go, learn and move on-forward 

Hold space for the positivity

Black elk speaks

weapon of choice

Everything from love, everything with love.

When I go to battle, my weapon of choice will be cupid's bow and arrow.

love

Love is a meditation practice.

functional fairy dust

I would like to post this in the thought capsule to remind me of people who are spreading beautiful functional magical thoughts:

http://www.chicagogrid.com/careers/necessarily-experience-job-alinea/

Highlights:

"hard working, honest, and curious"

 " To me, the most important quality a person can have is to be intellectually curious — that way they can learn on the job."

"So we’re constantly searching for highly qualified people — and yes, we look at everything, but in the end it’s personality."

"Hire very smart people and allow them to be smart. Let them question practices and offer solutions."



--like I say: personality is your biggest asset!

Paradoxes

To live in paradoxes is to think inside of two different pair of boxes.

Confessions of a Dinner Deviant

Permission !!!!!!!!
Site Specific character-what does the site need
spin-off character from Dinner Dance
Act in opposition to the behavior at the site-breaking social boundaries especially of the site at hand
     -act outside of the 'protocol' or dinner or gallery, etc
Examples: tying people, going outside, watching people, getting into conversations, lying down, talking loud, drinking beer out of champagne, putting lipstick on people and walls

Artist--values,
      - victoria interested in etiquette, but allows for this character/role to come to play to exist, so in essence allowing all selves of her self (and others) to be alive.

United states of tara, the last character--- the ID, just does, primitive
---but its not like that....there is thought involved, (at least a good deviant) sees the space and does what it calls for them to do
In essence, like a designer, ---actually plays many roles while being the deviant...affects the other roles... the roles are connected

Kris: deviant is the indirector (functional fairy--in a more aggressive manner, does not wait, goes and gets it done)

Outside of social boundaries: but with the thought that you cannot hurt yourself nor others (and other objects)--which is the rule to live by: do whatever you want except hurt yourself/others and pay taxes. the hurting can be relative, but be aware and responsible of what you do and only put it out in the world if you can be responsible for it being there.