We all seem to devalue a very powerful tool in our lives: FAILURE.
There are probably a million reasons why. Fear is one. We are taught that "failure is not an option" this is taught to us by people who are afraid to fail, people who cling on to their pursuit of purist principles afraid to make mistakes and perpetuating this thinking in their students.
I think this can be misinterpreted, so I have to clarify what I mean by failure.
What I mean is that whenever people embark on something, a project, a new recipe, a new dance, an interview, a blog-post, whatever it is, the stakes are usually high, relative, but high. Everyone wants to be successful in these endeavors, no one wants to fuck up. "Failure is not an option" however, it is definitely a possibility. And this sets up a very stifling start to the endeavor we quest to embark on. Sometimes the fear of failing is so immense that it prevents us to even start the thing in the first place. Or, if you do start something, it causes so much anxiety that it takes out all of the joy of the project, and let's face it, what's the point of doing anything if we don't enjoy it, or can't figure out how to enjoy it because we are so wrapped up in the anxiety?
As stated before, the possibility of failure already exists, that is what gets us to this anxious point in the first place. So by opening up to that possibility, it sets up a cushion to which you can fall. If you tell yourself that it is ok to fail, then you are becoming aware to what exactly the stakes are, it sets up a boundary. You no longer have to be nervous about starting because you acknowledge that failure is possible. That way, you can go about doing what you need to be doing, putting your best effort and not really caring about the failure thing because it already exists. You can focus your attention on actually enjoying the thing you are doing.
I was brought up on "NO FAILURE" mentality and only recently discovered the beauty of setting yourself up for failure. Perhaps it depends on the person and the person's background, but this new adventure into the forays of failure has opened up new worlds to me. It opens up more avenues to create, explore, learn and grown. And I think that's amazing!
Of course, it's not easy. I forget that this way of thinking is open to me at all times. I often get stuck in the stifling, perfectionistic thoughts. But when I remind myself that it's ok to fail, then I find ways to get the job done and enjoy it in the process.
An example:
I had to choreograph a piece. I had anxiety about it all the time. My stakes were so high!!! It was real and intense: physical shaking and detrimental thinking. But at one point it hit me, I'm gonna make a piece that I like, that interests me and I don't care what people think at all! This opened me up to completing it with a bit less stress and a bit more joy. It was received well, even though I don't care (that's not entirely true). This was the first time that I allowed myself to not be afraid to make shit, and in turn it ended up not only being a great learning experience, but it was actually somewhat successful.
When I wanted to cook a Thom Kha soup, Chris' famous delicious recipe, I was really nervous. Adam said: "This will be an experiment" and all of a sudden the nerves dissipated and it became a game, let's see if I can do this. Let's see if this experiment works. Instead of the mindset of: What if I fail, I hope I don't mess up and FAIL! Allowing the option of failure eliminates the fear of it.
Another time, I was in acting class and I had to do my first scene. I was petrified thinking that eventually I would have to get up there and do it in front of all these strangers who are brilliant and amazing! Then the day before I realized that it's my first time. I'm not on stage..yet...Let's do this one and fuck up, let's do this one and make mistakes. When I started the scene, I melted into it. The words flowed and I didn't even control them, I believed I was there in that moment, everything else disappeared. I was enjoying the whole process all of a sudden. It was great.
This is an example of when the stakes are imaginary kind of. If I actually failed, nothing would happen except for the fact that I would bruise my ego (although that's a big deal for many). But the values are different when the stakes are higher and real, like surgery, or work/money-related. I am not saying that one should be careless. Who cares, fail fail fail. No, that's not the point. The point is realizing that failure can happen no matter what, it's life, anything that can go wrong does, but knowing that that option exists, yielding to it, and not avoiding that fact can allow people to be more creative with their options and can possibly yield better results. Perhaps if we do this in little increments, in the small steps, we can learn how to channel it when the stakes are actually high and be able to better navigate those extreme situations.
Make mistakes, live a little!
