Quote: Max Ehrmann

Max Ehrmann


Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

tethering example

I went to New York to study to be a teacher. That is what I thought would make me "the happiest." In fact, when I sat down and had a talking to myself to figure out "what I wanted to be when I grew up", I answered that I wanted to teach at a University. It was great that I was naive, because I had no idea what it meant to do so. So I found a teaching program and I was on my way. It was in New York, but that didn't mean much to me. I just found a program and went there--the tethering. It was kind of a headless horseman decision, I was just so happy to make a decision having been flailing unhappily for two years trying to find some sort of pathway. So I tethered myself to the destination of going to NYU to get a degree in teaching dance . . . but through the journey of going to grad school at NYU in New York, so many things -zig-zags- came up for me. I met amazing people doing wonderful things. I met mentors who have changed my outlook on dance, art, teaching, LIFE! I was able to go to dance festivals, which opened my mind even more--before that I didn't realize that was available to me. And, I left Chicago thinking I was not a performer/dancer and realized in the process of living, studying and working in NY-that YES I AM. So many new ways of moving and creating opened up for me- even though I went to school to 'teach' I realized that I was a performer-- I got immersed in Yoga, Improv, Contact, Acting . . . yes I had done that in the past, and the seeds were planted, but it took a long time for them to sprout, and in this new, vibrant environment so much new knowledge developed. It might have been my time, late bloomer, or what-not, but I flourished in this space. So, if I didn't tether myself to the naive dream of becoming a University Dance prof, I would not have had my mind opened. The tethering to the destination, allowed for so many unexpected new learning opportunities and zig-zags to come along the way-----I am so LUCKY!.

The Beyond and Tethering

I'm not interested in the linearity. I'm interested in the beyond. Whatever your medium is, that you use it to find happiness in your life. That you do it because you follow your curiosity that leads you to uncover truths for yourself. The medium is not a means to an end, but an opportunity to discover and uncover possibilities and treasures of the world.

I'm interested in the richness of it all beyond just the thing of it, whatever the thing may be. I'm interested in the interconnectedness of media and uncovering how one is affected by another.  I value that whatever your "thing" is, that you use it to excavate and illuminate your truth. The doing to get to the 'work' IS the actual work that gets you somewhere different than the initial destination. Process over the product. One must make the product the goal so that s/he goes through the process. They are interconnected. In that sense, the journey is transitory. You tether yourself to a tangible goal and have a clear destination--but in going out and seeking it--the  path leads you somewhere else.  One must be open to the zig zags that come up during the quest for the initial 'destination'- that is the actual goal. It is about being open to having something fixed to attain, going out to attain it and on the journey on the way to attaining it, being aware of new possibilities that come up on the way to attaining it.

Today (6.28.13) in our first Bates 3.0 meeting with a therapist prior to kids arrivial, she said:
 "the exploration of the problem brings up the solutions"
similar to this idea of the "beyond and tethering." In this example: we are not responsible to fix the problems that the kids come to us with, instead, we should use this as an opportunity to guide them to explore ways to think about their concerns, and in doing that, the solutions start to come up . . .



"In every job that must be done there is an element of fun, you find the fun - and SNAP - the job's a game."

I'm very interested in opposites.

• "The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function." -Scott F. Fitzgerald

slight insight

A few days ago, something came to me. I wish I could remember where and how it did, but I can't get a clear location or space in my mind, and without the image of a location, I can't remember, I remember spatially. Anyhow, I came to a realization about depression and anxiety--about these physical feelings of intense emotions.

Here is my simple discovery:

If you imagine a time-line graph going through the body, using the body as "0" or neutral:
 The NOW is the body. If you draw a line through the body and make it a timeline, the imaginary line through the back and backwards is the past and the line that comes out from the front of the body is the future.
When someone dwells too much in the past, then those thoughts bring out depressive feelings, a sense of depression. When one thinks too much about the future (too far forward), then the feelings of anxiety set in. If one concentrates on moving the past towards the center, and the future towards the center, then they meet at the body, in the present. You cannot control past or future, you can only control what is happening RIGHT NOW. The choices you make right now are the ones that matter because they are the only ones in your control. Thoughts about past and future bring about those feelings because there is nothing you can do about them because they are not accessible to you at this time, so the energy to act just gets translated into depression and/or anxiety.
It all comes down to what is serving you. The body knows, the body feels, if you are doing something that is not serving you, then it will affect your body in harmful ways and make you feel these unwelcome (I think) feelings.

Dream Group

I recently was invited and joined a Dream Group.

Every meeting, there is one 'dreamer' who shares a dream with the rest of us, catchers, if you will.
As part of the sharing, we are invited to share in the dream. As the dreamer talks of their dream, it becomes a dream we all share. We are invited to think of everyone's dream as our own. And even within the dream, all of the people in the dream, are parts of the dreamer herself. 'Whatever you say about anyone's dream is your projection. This is a subjective universe, everything we think of someone else is a what we think of ourselves.'  This opens us up new ways of thinking, because it allows for perspective into what we perceive and hold on to. It also develops a sense of trust and empathy within the group because we are all connected to the experience by sharing in the experience.


 The answers are not in the dream themselves. The dream is a medium in which we get to unravel some parts of ourselves that need to be shared, discovered, untangled and brought to light. The process of sharing the dream gives permission for people to talk about things that they would otherwise not want to talk about or not even see as important. Talking about the dream "takes the charge out" of the vulnerable things that we need to talk about. The dream offers us up something that we don't know.

An Adendum 6/11/13:

 In talking to Kris, I came to the realization that the dream group allows for people to have access to more language. By sharing dreams and talking about them in a group, new perspectives get shared with each other. Everyone is privy to a new language that is used by the other members in the group which allows for more perspectives about one's own experience. By opening up to someone else's thoughts, words and views of the world,  the dreamer (and the others) is/(are) allowed to find new entry points into her choices, perceptions, actions, events and situations. This broadens the mind and allows for new ways of conquering the 'problem(s)'.

Sometimes, as I've said before, verbal language falls short of expressing what needs to be expressed, but sometimes, verbal language gives access to a different mode of thinking. Saying outloud or thinking "'take the charge out'; 'let go of the outcome', 'I'm gonna be zen about this'" allows for a change in the mode of thinking and yields you to understand and lean into the situation at hand.



Through the sharing of the dreams I have been immersed in many discoveries, perspectives, insights and magic. And a list of a few good books.

a few to note:

In doing the dream work: Kathy provides tips and tools on how to handle the world. This group opens up the world for us to peel and unravel.

When talking about the dreamer's dream, one is invited say (just about to say: "must say" . . .)  "If this were my dream . . ." ---and then provides the comment of what they would do in the dream situation or think about the dream. But I propose to take this a step further: into waking life. It, as the theme of this post keeps coming up, 'takes the charge out' of judging others and allowing thoughts to be heard from another person's situation without being forceful. It is like Liz Lerman's approach: "I have a suggestion about . . . would you like to hear it?"  If this were my dream . . .

The Four Fold Way:

1) Show Up

2) Pay Attention

3) Tell the Truth

4) Let Go of the Outcome

"Take the charge out of it"

-in sharing a dream that had some parts that were sexual in nature, Kathy, the leader of the group, told me to 'take the charge out' and to talk about it without the emotional and personal attachments associated. This allowed for a way into it without judgement or holding back. Taking the charge out of something that is VERY CHARGED allows for a clearer mind and perspective to understand whatever the thing is and to be able to deal with it. It allows for navigation through something rather than being stuck about it. Take the emotional charge out of it to unpack it for what it is objectively. This gives me permission, to let go, to breathe and conquer.

On being Nice--The fatal power of Niceness.

-nice is a way to control another's reactions
-niceness-disconnect from self
-nice- cause of anxiety

On Shame--The fatal power of Shame 

(I listened to Brène Brown's Ted talk a month before this was brought up:
 http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html)
Shame: is all that is wrong with the world.
Judgement to keep you confined in the world

The Should and Shouldn'ts imposed by others
Where there are no shoulds, there is a lot of potential.

We are not responsible for each other's feelings
(No obligation of social interaction-Larry Lavender)

What do you want?

Regarding Dreams:

a scene change in a dream indicated anxiety about the situation


Books and resources:
John Gottman
Carl Jung
Osho Zen Tarot
Goddesses in Everywoman: Powerful Archetypes in Women's Lives--Jean Shinoda Bolen
Dance of Anger-- Harriet Lerner

On Being Artist- A Constant Work in Progress

'Anything you say or do will be used against you in a future work of art'

I have recently emerged, or rather, came out, of the artist closet.
I realize now that the material of an artist can often be the reworking of life. That is the difference between someone who is and who is not an artist. (The real difference, because anyone can be an 'artist'--is someone who undertakes the act of creating, of reforming life to express their thoughts of life and share them with others). The artist makes the things of life the material in which s/he molds the medium and expresses him/herself. All aspects of life can be and is part of the material. The process, then, can become the product (or, at least, influences the product). It does not always have to be so, but EVEN the problems of the work can become part of the work. In essence, the act of creating a solution out of the problems, whether in that artist's life or with the art itself (is there a difference?) can become the actual work of the artist. That is the greatest creativity.

Creative work, is NEW, it has never been done before, it is NEW, that is why it is called creating--You are making something new come to the world to influence, inspire and portray the opening of the possibilities that one person has undertaken. Of course, with this can come great anxiety--of the unknown, of failure, etc... but the artist understands this and even with these obstacles of self or other's doubts, perseveres, uncovering the material within which to make creative work. The work is the work, the work of the work becomes the work [of art].

Inspiration can come from not being inspired. It can come from anything. Using whatever is in the life to share and tell the story of your life is the material. You are the only one that this particular thing is happening to the way it is, based on the fact that everyone experiences situations differently. No one really knows exactly how someone else is truly experiencing something, so the job of the artist is to express this and share it with the world in a way that will communicate it. (It also has to do with permission, giving permission to others, spreading goodness). Art is about the curiosity, values and the search-[and research]- about what interests the artist. I say that choreography is like cutting my head open and dumping out the contents and arranging them in a way so others can experience, and possibly understand, what is inside of it. It is a moving, living journal entry(ies) on stage (or whatever/wherever the venue is).

An artist can rework a problem into a solution. S/he sees an opportunity to rework a problem into a solution, sees or engages with the possibilities presented by a problem. There is always an opportunity to make a different choice, see beyond the 'thing of it', see beyond the linearity of the situation, beyond the thing of it.

What I am trying to say is . . . that the artist can work with the bullshit and make it into a thing of expression.

Empowerment

People only have as much power over us as we allow.

Empowerment, especially in the educational/learning/teaching sense (when relating/communicating with others), is giving people opportunities to learn to make good & strong decisions for themselves. It is not controlling or pushing, but about nurturing an understanding of the power of choice and making good choices. Empowering people to ask questions. Empowering to take care of themselves. A good teacher teaches students to teach themselves, a good therapist allows the person to empower herself.

If someone does something and it makes you mad, then you are responsible for that reaction. Instead, you have an opportunity to sort things out and make it a learning moment by saying what you need, by addressing the concerns, by teaching people how to treat you and what you need for that moment.