Friday, August 31, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
Bates Bubble 3.0 #2012
And so it is...♫Just like you said it would be♫
Sitting in Portland Jetport (futuristic or archaic name?) I realize I need to write down the thoughts and the cultivations of new knowledge at this moment because once I leave, I will have to open myself up to, and start speaking, a different language--a different dialect of culture. So I want to put my thoughts in a tiny little pile, a time capsule--a thought capsule, if you will, I know I will. It has been 6 weeks in this incubator, which can be long or short -- ("Time is a rubber band"-Girls)--time and space feels different in the Bates World, (even the air was thicker after performing this Saturday) but not sure if this blog will do justice to all of the thoughts sown and reaped, but just gotta get them out as they come up no editing (allegedly)--*wink
The most important thing I realized is:
->My "fiscal-life plan' (<--a la Festival John) is that I want to live a life practicing soft honesty and cultivating happiness. I think it is important to be honest, because when you are 'responsible for the whole world' (referring to Sartre and quote below by Robert Heinlein) then you have the responsibility to tell it how it is, but if you are forceful (not soft), your thoughts and suggestions will not be accepted, so being soft about the honesty will help get your words across and allow them to work the magic.
And happiness because why not? Why would you live your life not striving for it? It's a cultivation, its an on-going, never-ending process. It is easier to be negative than positive, and I guess people are lazy because not a lot of people take time to cultivate happiness. And you can only first cultivate it in yourself before you can spread it to others. Watching one of the Young Dancers during the end-of-the-festival-performance-showing taught me: why not smile? She was so smiley that all I wanted to do was watch her smile and enjoy herself performing. And why not bring that feeling into the "real-world" not just the "stage-world"? Smiling is so powerful! It totally is, when I was walking through the streets of New York (where my heart currently resides in the clouds hovering, waiting for my return) I would find people staring at me, at first I got self-conscious, then I started playing a game: What if I smiled at them? So I did it, and all of a sudden that grim look-- of what I thought was disapproval--turned into a charming, warm-eyed look of happiness because the other person smiled back at me. Smiling is a secret superhuman power!
->The motif that kept resurfacing in causal dinner conversations as well as in formal dialogues was : the internal conflict of what you are supposed to do versus what you want to do/feel like doing. AKA following your feelings versus following the 'shoulds' <--which are believed social constructs ("My psychopharm says there's no such thing as should."-Tiny Furniture).
"Do you Boo"--Kyle Abraham
This is the most important, and most effective, way to be in the world.
Bates is a place where you are allowed to be yourself and explore parts and facets of yourself in a cushioned, enclosed, supportive environment (as much as it can be). Not only is it allowed, it is coveted, it is honored, revered and rewarded. Those people that push to be themselves fully and explore parts of themselves that they have not yet experienced are revered in this community. Which allows them to leave and be a bit more self-aware and self-assured to spread this form of being into the world. Because if you are not true to yourself then what the hell are you doing? It's so difficult to cultivate and stay aware of it in the real world because so many people are NOT doing it and the strong current of mindlessness is sometimes consuming and 'self-conscious-making' but the rewards for staying true to one self and following one's own feelings and thoughts (without hurting or inflicting force on others) outweigh the contrary. (It takes patience and time--which sometimes is a rare resource, I do understand that, but its possible, it just takes more work)
-It is also important to cultivate this in someone else. If you are in a power of authority then using your power for good--for cultivating self-awareness and self-confidence in others--is very important.
->Regarding performance: it is about being in the moment. That way you are performing from the self, from the experience in the present. It is almost as if you are improvising because you have the structure and then you give yourself the subscore of staying in the moment, which opens up possibilities and freedoms. If you are nervous-then your person is nervous and that is the reality at that point. USE IT! If you fall, it's part of the performance. During the Student Works feedback--some of the feedback was: sometimes it's much more interesting in watching the HOW of the piece versus the WHAT, how you are doing the phrase is more interesting than what the phrase actually is. Rachel Boggia: "I wanted at times for you to curse the phrase"--people would get so attached to the phrase that they would forgo other important nuances in the piece.
-I lost my way with dance many times--regarding my own dancing, choreographing and watching dance in general:. But it wasn't until Saturday of week 6 (or 7 or 53, I dont know, but it was the very end of the festival at the end of all of the classes) when I realized that I am a dancer. Standing in Kat's pre-show rehearsal, I started doodling with my body parts to keep warm, but also to keep my body-mind occupied, and I realized that I could move, that I can dance. And that even if I did not embody ALL the layers ALL the time, that my awareness to a small part of myself--thinking about my elbow, etc--allowed me to be embodied in an area and: a change in the part is a change in the whole...and I was back to being a dancer again. It was MY body that was moving.
-Point of choreography--it starts from a seed of an idea that is inside someone's brain. Everyone is different and everyone has a different take on the world. Choreography allows one to open their brain and share the contents with others through the medium of movement. The world that is set up by the choreographer on stage is important. The Concept. Why are you showing this to us? It has to be clear to the choreographer (and performer(s)), they have to be clear in what they are setting up. If they are clear and believe in it, then it will show through and we will be a part of it. What does the dance need? What does the life need? What do you need for your body? Even the struggles are important, it invites humanity into the performance and opens it up to the eyes of the audience. When Regina Spektor fucks up in her performances, this is one of the best parts of going to see her live. Because you see her, live. "Learn the rules, so you can break the rules, and become famous"-Ms. Ackerman--art teacher extraordinaire.
(another quote I found regarding rules:
“I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.”
― Robert A. Heinlein)
->Thank you's are so important. Random acts of thank you's--give gratitude for people in your life--to keep them going. I am overwhelmed by people who are human, people who are themselves and are curious and exploring. I am grateful to have those human people in my life whether it is my family, friends, teachers or Jean Luc Godard.
->I am not worried. Yes I worry, but I realize that it is not serving me. And there is no reason to do something that doesn't serve me. When I get nervous for performance, it's ok, and normal (and very interesting that the physical arises even if you think you are not really thinking about the event) but if you notice it and become aware of it, it becomes a choice whether to listen/feel to it, to try to calm down, and how to use it in the performance. You are practicing your power of choice and are channeling the energy versus it controlling you. But in other parts of life, I notice it creeping up--perhaps its an M.O. from previous situations and a learned behavior from the people in my life--and I try to become aware and choose to: GIVE MYSELF THE GIFT OF NOT WORRYING and it goes away....(until it comes back and I have to start all over again).
-> I gave myself permission to have the worst class, to be the worst in the class and I had the best class. I was injured but did not want to sit out so I did not have expectations that I could do everything full out that day. Then I started smiling because this, of course, relates in a broader way of going through life: if the expectations of being "the best" are making you crazy, if they are hindering your "bestness,"and making you feel the opposite then it's time to adjust them. Keep expectations low, but aim high. Give yourself the permission to not be the best at something, while putting your energy and calmness into learning more about it and getting better at it. It opens up a realm of opportunities (and' opens up your heart' according to Paul Matteson) It is, again, something so simple, yet has such a profound effect.
-> Perspective--its good to have perspective, but if you stay in perspective too long, it becomes something that you need perspective from.
-> People who complain have no patience. (and are too lazy to make things better for themselves).
->Its not about dance, its about life. The medium (dance) is a way in to learning about yourself and understanding the world. Through this medium you are allowed to make sense of the world.
That is all I have for the thought-capsule as of now. I expect more things to surface as it will probably take me all year to process these 6 weeks.
Here are some pics I stole from Arthur Fink:
Sitting in Portland Jetport (futuristic or archaic name?) I realize I need to write down the thoughts and the cultivations of new knowledge at this moment because once I leave, I will have to open myself up to, and start speaking, a different language--a different dialect of culture. So I want to put my thoughts in a tiny little pile, a time capsule--a thought capsule, if you will, I know I will. It has been 6 weeks in this incubator, which can be long or short -- ("Time is a rubber band"-Girls)--time and space feels different in the Bates World, (even the air was thicker after performing this Saturday) but not sure if this blog will do justice to all of the thoughts sown and reaped, but just gotta get them out as they come up no editing (allegedly)--*wink
The most important thing I realized is:
->My "fiscal-life plan' (<--a la Festival John) is that I want to live a life practicing soft honesty and cultivating happiness. I think it is important to be honest, because when you are 'responsible for the whole world' (referring to Sartre and quote below by Robert Heinlein) then you have the responsibility to tell it how it is, but if you are forceful (not soft), your thoughts and suggestions will not be accepted, so being soft about the honesty will help get your words across and allow them to work the magic.
And happiness because why not? Why would you live your life not striving for it? It's a cultivation, its an on-going, never-ending process. It is easier to be negative than positive, and I guess people are lazy because not a lot of people take time to cultivate happiness. And you can only first cultivate it in yourself before you can spread it to others. Watching one of the Young Dancers during the end-of-the-festival-performance-showing taught me: why not smile? She was so smiley that all I wanted to do was watch her smile and enjoy herself performing. And why not bring that feeling into the "real-world" not just the "stage-world"? Smiling is so powerful! It totally is, when I was walking through the streets of New York (where my heart currently resides in the clouds hovering, waiting for my return) I would find people staring at me, at first I got self-conscious, then I started playing a game: What if I smiled at them? So I did it, and all of a sudden that grim look-- of what I thought was disapproval--turned into a charming, warm-eyed look of happiness because the other person smiled back at me. Smiling is a secret superhuman power!
->The motif that kept resurfacing in causal dinner conversations as well as in formal dialogues was : the internal conflict of what you are supposed to do versus what you want to do/feel like doing. AKA following your feelings versus following the 'shoulds' <--which are believed social constructs ("My psychopharm says there's no such thing as should."-Tiny Furniture).
"Do you Boo"--Kyle Abraham
This is the most important, and most effective, way to be in the world.
Bates is a place where you are allowed to be yourself and explore parts and facets of yourself in a cushioned, enclosed, supportive environment (as much as it can be). Not only is it allowed, it is coveted, it is honored, revered and rewarded. Those people that push to be themselves fully and explore parts of themselves that they have not yet experienced are revered in this community. Which allows them to leave and be a bit more self-aware and self-assured to spread this form of being into the world. Because if you are not true to yourself then what the hell are you doing? It's so difficult to cultivate and stay aware of it in the real world because so many people are NOT doing it and the strong current of mindlessness is sometimes consuming and 'self-conscious-making' but the rewards for staying true to one self and following one's own feelings and thoughts (without hurting or inflicting force on others) outweigh the contrary. (It takes patience and time--which sometimes is a rare resource, I do understand that, but its possible, it just takes more work)
-It is also important to cultivate this in someone else. If you are in a power of authority then using your power for good--for cultivating self-awareness and self-confidence in others--is very important.
->Regarding performance: it is about being in the moment. That way you are performing from the self, from the experience in the present. It is almost as if you are improvising because you have the structure and then you give yourself the subscore of staying in the moment, which opens up possibilities and freedoms. If you are nervous-then your person is nervous and that is the reality at that point. USE IT! If you fall, it's part of the performance. During the Student Works feedback--some of the feedback was: sometimes it's much more interesting in watching the HOW of the piece versus the WHAT, how you are doing the phrase is more interesting than what the phrase actually is. Rachel Boggia: "I wanted at times for you to curse the phrase"--people would get so attached to the phrase that they would forgo other important nuances in the piece.
-I lost my way with dance many times--regarding my own dancing, choreographing and watching dance in general:. But it wasn't until Saturday of week 6 (or 7 or 53, I dont know, but it was the very end of the festival at the end of all of the classes) when I realized that I am a dancer. Standing in Kat's pre-show rehearsal, I started doodling with my body parts to keep warm, but also to keep my body-mind occupied, and I realized that I could move, that I can dance. And that even if I did not embody ALL the layers ALL the time, that my awareness to a small part of myself--thinking about my elbow, etc--allowed me to be embodied in an area and: a change in the part is a change in the whole...and I was back to being a dancer again. It was MY body that was moving.
-Point of choreography--it starts from a seed of an idea that is inside someone's brain. Everyone is different and everyone has a different take on the world. Choreography allows one to open their brain and share the contents with others through the medium of movement. The world that is set up by the choreographer on stage is important. The Concept. Why are you showing this to us? It has to be clear to the choreographer (and performer(s)), they have to be clear in what they are setting up. If they are clear and believe in it, then it will show through and we will be a part of it. What does the dance need? What does the life need? What do you need for your body? Even the struggles are important, it invites humanity into the performance and opens it up to the eyes of the audience. When Regina Spektor fucks up in her performances, this is one of the best parts of going to see her live. Because you see her, live. "Learn the rules, so you can break the rules, and become famous"-Ms. Ackerman--art teacher extraordinaire.
(another quote I found regarding rules:
“I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.”
― Robert A. Heinlein)
->Thank you's are so important. Random acts of thank you's--give gratitude for people in your life--to keep them going. I am overwhelmed by people who are human, people who are themselves and are curious and exploring. I am grateful to have those human people in my life whether it is my family, friends, teachers or Jean Luc Godard.
->I am not worried. Yes I worry, but I realize that it is not serving me. And there is no reason to do something that doesn't serve me. When I get nervous for performance, it's ok, and normal (and very interesting that the physical arises even if you think you are not really thinking about the event) but if you notice it and become aware of it, it becomes a choice whether to listen/feel to it, to try to calm down, and how to use it in the performance. You are practicing your power of choice and are channeling the energy versus it controlling you. But in other parts of life, I notice it creeping up--perhaps its an M.O. from previous situations and a learned behavior from the people in my life--and I try to become aware and choose to: GIVE MYSELF THE GIFT OF NOT WORRYING and it goes away....(until it comes back and I have to start all over again).
-> I gave myself permission to have the worst class, to be the worst in the class and I had the best class. I was injured but did not want to sit out so I did not have expectations that I could do everything full out that day. Then I started smiling because this, of course, relates in a broader way of going through life: if the expectations of being "the best" are making you crazy, if they are hindering your "bestness,"and making you feel the opposite then it's time to adjust them. Keep expectations low, but aim high. Give yourself the permission to not be the best at something, while putting your energy and calmness into learning more about it and getting better at it. It opens up a realm of opportunities (and' opens up your heart' according to Paul Matteson) It is, again, something so simple, yet has such a profound effect.
-> Perspective--its good to have perspective, but if you stay in perspective too long, it becomes something that you need perspective from.
-> People who complain have no patience. (and are too lazy to make things better for themselves).
->Its not about dance, its about life. The medium (dance) is a way in to learning about yourself and understanding the world. Through this medium you are allowed to make sense of the world.
That is all I have for the thought-capsule as of now. I expect more things to surface as it will probably take me all year to process these 6 weeks.
Here are some pics I stole from Arthur Fink:
Monday, August 6, 2012
Thursday, August 2, 2012
We are
we are a product of the tiny small increments of positive and negative reinforcement
self-consciousness, covering up things, protecting ourselves
who we are is what people have allowed us to be.
it is definitely easy to see weaknesses in people, the shit that they shelter....the ways they justify actions (excusing themselves) and its easy to abuse that because that is something they hold onto.
when we start apologizing for ourselves/justifying actions then we become an open target for abuse. and since we are the only ones to protect ourselves, apologizing for the self, does not allow for empowerment
the importance of maintaining the instrument...that is why it scares me when people are abusive/harmful mentally/physically to their body, its the only one they got, they are the only ones to protect it...if they can abuse that, then they can definitely abuse others...those are the scariest people...they will fuck you up one time....the reason some people arent gentle and loving to body is cause of the bullshit that has been instilled in them, they are protecting themselves in the only way they know how: in the only way they did as children when you don't have more resources at your fingertips, they dont have the right tools, they dont seek out the right tools, they have been damaged (the WORST) but same people who abuse selves and thus abuse others---building a perpetual cycle of this bullshit, some people are just plain fucking lazy (technical term)...they dont seek it out and dont want to...its easier to complain and fuck around, blame other people and not take any responsibility for actions. after a certain age (age (and time and space) is relative) you need to start taking responsibility for your actions = adult.
self-consciousness, covering up things, protecting ourselves
who we are is what people have allowed us to be.
it is definitely easy to see weaknesses in people, the shit that they shelter....the ways they justify actions (excusing themselves) and its easy to abuse that because that is something they hold onto.
when we start apologizing for ourselves/justifying actions then we become an open target for abuse. and since we are the only ones to protect ourselves, apologizing for the self, does not allow for empowerment
the importance of maintaining the instrument...that is why it scares me when people are abusive/harmful mentally/physically to their body, its the only one they got, they are the only ones to protect it...if they can abuse that, then they can definitely abuse others...those are the scariest people...they will fuck you up one time....the reason some people arent gentle and loving to body is cause of the bullshit that has been instilled in them, they are protecting themselves in the only way they know how: in the only way they did as children when you don't have more resources at your fingertips, they dont have the right tools, they dont seek out the right tools, they have been damaged (the WORST) but same people who abuse selves and thus abuse others---building a perpetual cycle of this bullshit, some people are just plain fucking lazy (technical term)...they dont seek it out and dont want to...its easier to complain and fuck around, blame other people and not take any responsibility for actions. after a certain age (age (and time and space) is relative) you need to start taking responsibility for your actions = adult.
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